Catfish - Navigating Tough Waters

Catfish really has some interesting implications for the future of online dating. Who can’t pose as someone or something else online these days? Now, I would think and hope that most cases aren’t as drastic as Nev’s, where just about everything is made up and fake, but with our digital presentations of ourselves, who will put an accurate description of flaws, mistakes, ugliness? Won’t everyone put the best things about themselves, maybe even exaggerating the good?

This is the problem with moving from the real world to the virtual world. It’s fundamentally virtual, fake, not authentic. And in some ways, that’s good. It’s a good thing to simulate flights (say for NASA) so that we don’t actually have to send people on a test mission to see if a rocket is safe. It’s good to have websites and apps that are mock stock trading apps, so you don’t have to lose money in the real stock market to learn how to invest well. There are many applications of simulations brought to us by this digital age that are great things. Simulation doesn’t always mean bad.

Where the water gets a little murkier is with humans online. We have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, YouTube, etc. The list goes on and on with ways we present ourselves to the world online. We upload the best things about us: our most well-organized and well-edited thoughts, our best pictures (often with the best filters), our most exciting moments. That isn’t to say we are perfect online. Sometimes we say things that don’t best represent us, or we’re tagged in unattractive pictures of ourselves, or we open up about our mistakes or misfortunes. Generally speaking, though, we like to paint an awesome picture of ourselves online, and for understandable reason. The tech sphere is a chance for us to reinvent ourselves and socialize on a different level. It’s almost like moving to a new city – you have many opportunities to “start over” and revitalize connections.

That being said, online dating, in a way, becomes a simulation. You really don’t get to know the person until you meet. Couples who meet online will chat and chat with the end goal in mind of “okay, when can I see this person? When we can we meet face to face?” People know that relationships can’t only exist. They can’t. Simulations with people don’t work like things do. There is much room for lying, exaggeration, exploitation, and catfishing. They are dangerous waters. You are putting yourself out there in a way, and who knows what people behind a screen can do to you.

Nev got burned. Many like him have, too. It’s a common occurrence these days. How do you protect yourself from it? The most obvious way seems to be to avoid online relationships, or use it sparingly. But even if one uses it often, the best approach seems to use a “no-nonsense” attitude. Say, “Look, I think I may be into you, so I want to meet in person.” And say that pretty early. Let the person know that chatting and sending pictures all day won’t cut it. Make it clear (in a nice way, obviously, because you don’t want to sound like a jerk) that you are legitimately looking for a partner.

Personally, I don’t think I’ll ever try to meet people online. I’d rather meet them in person, then connect online. The latter is totally fine with me. But there are too many hackers, too many catfishers, too many scams these days. I’d rather stay safe and socialize with people that I know are people.